You know the one.

 

Living the Dream.

 

Except people who are actually living their dreams rarely share the reality of what that looks like.

 

Why?

 

Because it’s not a sexy in reality as it is on Instagram.

Because the fantasy of our imagination keeps it intact.

 

I want to talk about the reality of “following your dreams”.

Or rather, I want to reframe that, because the thing I follow isn’t a dream – rather it’s a deeper calling.

I’m not sure quite what to call it – sometimes I refer to it as desire – but it’s the thing that I’ve been compelled to follow.

The thing that’s compelled me onward in the spiral that is my life.

 

You see I’ve met you – or rather, I’ve met the part of you that fantasizes of a different life.

I’ve met your fantasy self.

You see, you’ve projected it onto me so many times, I’ve learned to recognize it clearly and name it for what it is.

I too have a fantasy self.

You know, the fantasy self that dances salsa, professionally, casually.

The fantasy self that has a successful business she’s built and gets to travel whenever she wants, wherever she wants.

 

But do you know what we never include in our fantasy selves?

Feeling worried and insecure sometimes.

Feeling unsure.

Anxiety about making the wrong decisions.

Wondering if you’re doing this whole relationship thing wrong.

Paying our bills on time.

Debt.

The noise of constant construction.

Not knowing how we’re going to pay for life this month.

Not knowing if we’ll have clients 6 months from now.

Doubt.

 

Interestingly enough with the rise of social media over the last decade and a half, combined with our overall cultural disembodiment of modern life, our nervous system (therefore us as a whole) has a hard time distinguishing fantasy vs. reality.

 

In many instances like in influencer culture, we are actually living out a version of our fantasy self through our online presence and lying to ourselves and others about our embodied reality.

 

And we are rewarded for it.

Because fantasy, like sex, sells.

 

It’s profitable.

And so we turn a profit faster than a prostitute turns a trick.

It’s the same thing really.

 

But the thing we are all deeply yearning for is integrity.

 

And integrity comes with the acceptance of what is.

 

Story time.

 

Example number one: The Dream Job.

 

For about 10 years, I worked in what I considered at the time to be my dream job.

I was a Park Ranger for BC Parks. My office consisted of mountains, glaciers, lakes, untouched wilderness, and flying in helicopters. Most people’s reaction to my answer to “what do you do for a living” after I told them was an awed “wow! that’s sooooooo cooool!!!”

That was the moment they projected all of their unclaimed desire and fantasy self onto me.

In their mind, they could see me, traipsing through the wilderness, flying around in helicopters. They frothed at the idea of freedom, nature, and getting paid to hike for goodness sake! In their minds they could taste “paid vacation”.

 

And yes, my work included all of these incredible things.

I got paid to work in places I dreamed of spending my free time in.

It’s one of the reasons I was drawn to the job in the first place.

 

What all of those people in their awe and wonderment didn’t want to see however is past the fantasy.

You see, what I embodied, what I represented to them was a fantasy that helped them escape, rather than embody their own destiny.

 

The reality of my Park Ranger job also included 20 hour days of crisis management after a fatal accident in one of my Parks.

Writing violation tickets and telling people they can’t do the thing they want to do while the are on vacation, and in the wilderness, and in general the most entitled to be “free to do whatever they pleased”.

Cleaning up human shit.

Literally.

Dealing with dangerous people in remote places with limited access to resources, communication, and backup.

Injuries.

Working within a bigger system that often violated the core values that my work represented.

Difficult bosses.

Difficult co-workers.

Running late for work.

Feeling helpless, ineffective, and unvalued at my job.

Being a human trying her best.

 

This is the reality of being lead by destiny, by our dream, by desire.

It’s not always pretty.

It’s human.

Holding onto the myth of our fantasy life however blocks us from being able to see that clearly.

 

Holding on to our fantasy also does something else.

It keeps us from following the thread.

Clinging to the myth leaves no room for actually taking the leap of faith and doing the thing.

 

It’s a cop out.

 

There is a part of us that knows this which is why we chose not to pursue our deepest desires.

We hold a deep fear that it will be different than how we imagined it – because it will be.

It’s the Great Unknown mixed with the reality and magic of real life.

Shit is bound to go down.

 

So it’s easier to project it onto others.

 

Example number two: The Beach Life.

 

At some point I left my dream Park Ranger job to pursue my next Wild Adventures: surfing, relationship, and deep healing work.

All set in a foreign country.

Perfect.

 

Who doesn’t have a fantasy of living in a magical little beach town, sipping margaritas, listing to the ocean lull you to sleep?

 

When people ask me about living in a small beach town in Mexico (with their fantasy eyes alit), I often have a difficult time answering the question.

When people ask me “don’t you just love this town you live in?”, I stop and pause.

 

The answer comes back to a similar answer when people asked the same question about my Dream Job:

It’s where I need to be at this time and place in my life.

 

Are there things I love about where I live?

Yes, of course!

Walking less than 5 minutes and I’m in the ocean, paddling for my first wave of the day.

Some of the most spectacular sunsets I’ve seen in my life.

The jungle.

The slow pace of life.

My neighbours.

Living outside of the bounds of the culture I was born into.

A unique freedom.

Hammocks.

Good mezcal.

 

And the challenges?

Yes. There are those too.

Noise, constant cacophony of sound, and a general disregard for privacy.

Living in 1950’s macho culture, after being raised in 2000’s feminist culture.

Endless and ceaseless heat from June until October.

Addiction, theft, poverty.

A lack of resources.

Contamination.

Living outside of the bounds of the culture I was born into.

 

The point is that we are not exempt from our humanity.

 

A few closing thoughts.

 

Anyone trying to sell you on “the dream” is either lying to you, lying to themselves, or both.

Take what they say with a huge amount of discernment.

 

Having the fantasy isn’t “bad” or a problem.

However not owning and being responsible for our fantasy and projecting it onto others (or expressing it through a myriad of dysfunctional ways) is often the root of our disharmony with life and ourselves.

 

If you are willing and courageous enough to be lead by this deep desire, remember, it’s not supposed to look a certain way.

It’s not about #goals or ticking things off of your bucket list.

It’s not a process of attainment nor acquisition.

 

It is about the journey to your beingness.

It’s not supposed to always look like unicorns and rainbows.

There is room for reality in the fantasy, but we have to be willing to let go of the fantasy if we want to see our dreams become reality.