The beginnings of this experiment start pretty much where many money mindset books and courses start.

 

It started for me by writing out some of my adaptive money habits and beliefs but with a twist.

You see, many exercises ask you to journal all of your “negative money beliefs” through visualizations or mediations or various journaling exercises.

This naturally stimulates our minds and I don’t know about you, but I can have a tendency to go down some pretty deep rabbit holes analyzing and stirring up all the shadow work. My system loves that shit. It feels productive.

But is it really?

 

Rather than identify my patterns around money though the mind, I wanted to touch the places where I actually practice these habits and patterns.

What do I actually do?

How does it feel in my body?

And what’s in it for me?

 

If you haven’t read the premises for the experiment, I highly recommend that you go ahead and read that first, because the context of how I arrived here is very important.

 

The “what’s in it for me” is often for most of us (myself included) tied to feelings of safety and security.

In everything I’ve learned in working with the nervous system, this is the core of the premises of this experiment.

How can I support and nourish myself?

Getting curious rather than into “fix it” mode, what’s the thing that wants to feel safe and supported and how can I support that?

 

From this paradigm I made a list of moments where I felt a kind of tension, or thrill, or some kind of nervous system reaction around money. Listening to the sensations in my body, I recalled the circumstance and felt into my cells, my nervous system, my whole being and I asked my body “what do you need?”.

 

The following are a few examples that unfolded from this somatic inquiry:

• Keeping my cupboards stocked with extras of essential things. I like the feeling of having options – when I see only few things I feel a sense of restriction in my body. It gives me a sense of security and a knowing at a cellular/animal being level that I will not run out of food.
• Keeping money around for savings/emergencies that never gets spent – whether it’s a small amount or larger amount – in a place where I can easily access it and see it. It gives me a sense of peace and security knowing and seeing an amount of money that I have in case I need it.
• Waiting to buy something (especially larger purchases) and being able to pay for the whole thing up front. This gives me a sense of peace and lets my nervous system rest and relax.
• Pre-paying for my rent for several months, free up a lot of energy in my nervous system. Recognizing this pattern has also illuminated just how taxing on my whole system is in carrying debt. It also helped me realize how much energy is freed up for things like creative projects, and even day to day chores when I don’t have this energetic “load” humming in the background of my nervous system.

 

There are many more that I wrote out. As I tapped into my body and the moments and points of decision, the noticings just flowed and flowed.

 

One of the biggest differences and epiphanies for me wasn’t what I wrote so much as how I acknowledge and relate to these behaviours and beliefs.

 

Take for example something as small as stocking up on essential home items like toilet paper, dish soap, the particular brand of pasta sauce I like that was on promotion so I bought 3 jars.

I never really fully acknowledged just how nourishing seeing these items in my home felt.

I never really full appreciated how much joy and peace my nervous system received in this experience.

In March and April of this year, I experiences some pretty challenging times financially and just seeing that I had enough toilet paper helped me to trust in the deeper knowing that I was taken care of and everything would work itself out.

That is no small thing.

And had I viewed this behaviour through the lens of the whole money mindset industrial complex, I would have seen it as evidence of needing to further “work on” and “fix” my “negative money beliefs”.

There is nothing “negative” or “wrong” about my nervous system feeling settled and safe in difficult times.

And if you are wondering about things like hoarding patterns, remember that the extreme/pathologized versions of a behaviour often stem from a deeper underlying subconscious place that we don’t yet have the capacity to be with in a conscious way.

Being with the experience in my own body in a somatic and present way is a potent place to hold all of the parts of myself – including the shadowy ones.

Also, notice how my experience felt nourishing.

There is a very clear knowing and discernment that I have in my system around the difference between nourishing and needing to check out or dissociate.

This clarity has been my guiding post for all of my financial decisions since February 2021. Every time I make a purchase or receive payment and then suddenly have the idea to pay 3 months rent in advance, I first let it sit in my system.

I ask myself “does this feel nourishing or does this feel like constriction/fear/avoidance/something else?”.

I let my body tell me the answer.

If it’s nourishing, I do the thing.

If it’s something else, I spend some time deepening into the inquiry “what do you need? how can I nourish the thing?”

 

I can tell you this has totally changed not only my spending habits, but also has brought a level of self-assuredness and clarity to my decision making. There is a level of solidity in my being.

 

I look forward to sharing the next step and chapter in the experiment.

Stay tunes for Part 2.