In a recent post on social media I talked about a recent embodiment session I did with myself in where I alchemized intense menstrual cramps and nausea into not just 1 but 2 cervical orgasms (without touching my vulva by the way).
I’ve been in deep devotion and reverence to following the embodiment path for over 20 years now and this is the first time tracking my deep inner ocean literally led to the alchemizing of an intense, painful, deeply ingrained nervous system pattern into deep, nourishing pleasure.
If you’ve ever had a deep cervical orgasm, you know.
There is something deeply earthy, wet, and fucking nourishing that is deeply met – yes deeply, I’m not being facetious.
Like I said it’s been over 20 years of exploring the depths of my own potential in this human form through my own cellular conciousness. It’s been more that epic.
Experiences that others describe when working with plant medicine – my experiences with grounded waves, cellular respiration, and sheer pleasure have been exponentially more vast in comparison. I’m not knocking plant medicine, but holy hell, most of us have not even touched the tip of the iceberg of our cellular capacity.
It’s seriously fucking trippy shit.
And it’s paved the foundation for some incredibly deep healing.
I tend to talk about the nervous system a lot because it’s the baseline – the foundation. Without first coming into a fluid, responsive, healthy nervous system function, do not pass GO, do not collect $200, because your body just will not let you.
You cannot override your biology.
Period.
But once we can get to a baseline of real, true, and authentic safety in our bodies?
Watch out – we are unleashing the most powerful force known to us.
This luscious, grounded baseline has led me recently to explore some pretty kinky shit as of late.
You see, when my shame is well taken care of and my shadows are no longer lurking Grimm’s fairy tales in the dark night of my subconsciousness, taboo gets to come out to play.
I’d mentioned my recent body alchemy experience where literally pain gave way to ecstasy, but what I did leave out was what actually happened en route from pain and nausea, to full deep cervical orgasm (and yes, to be clear, my hands were both placed on my lower belly and no where else, and no, this wasn’t a “mind” orgasm).
The art and mastery of body alchemy allows me to be able to follow a deeper wisdom – a deeper thread – that I experience as sensation in my body. I was in this deep state of non-judgemental, non-manipulative, non-intentional listening when I realized that there was a deep part of myself that was resisting experiencing the full expression of the pain and nausea. I was holding back on my pain threshold. I was tolerating. I was scrapping for little crumbs of pleasure and alternative sensations in my body that I just didn’t have access too.
I felt desperate.
I felt helpless.
I felt that there was nothing I could do.
So in that moment, I decided to let God fuck me open.
The rebel, witch woman inside of me was like, “OK, I’m not going to win with soothing myself? Then give it to me, God, you kinky mother fucker … fuck me with your pain, and nausea, and suffering in a woman’s body, I’ll take that and then some”.
Something shifted.
And PS, if you’re a little shocked about what I just wrote, I was just as surprised in the moment.
I didn’t even think I believed in God, let alone, a spontaneous BDSM style conversation with Him about fucking me open? Yeah, that kind of threw me off guard, however, it came through.
It was honest.
Through my own kinky little taboos woven into my subconscious, stored in the cellular memory of my nervous system.
There it was.
A kind of unveiling of a strange taboo truth I was holding at a cellular level.
And something shifted.
The power dynamic between God and I shifted.
And I could physically feel the power and strength in my own pleasure.
The tide turned.
It didn’t matter if I didn’t have a choice in the how.
In that moment I claimed being victimized by the Patriarchy, the church, machismo.
I claimed sexual assault, abuse, and pain.
I could feel my very cells alchemizing in moments deep throat pain into waves and waves of pleasure.
I continued to ride the sensations of pleasure – the waves of my orgasm.
I consumed God and the supposed power I subconsciously felt over me.
This was so much more than a powerful moment in surrender.
This was a claiming of true agency, no matter what.
This was a claiming of my witch wound, the inner mother, and the inner whore, all in one.
This was knowing and feeling my power in a woman’s body in the flesh, cell by cell, pulse by pulse.
This was riding the high and realization of who holds the true power.
Taboo is a funny thing.
It is the holder of so much wisdom – and the keeper of so many secrets.
It is the glue that holds together our illusion that there exists good and evil.
Though I was involved in kinky sadistic energy sex with God, it occurred to me that God is one big motherfucking kink to get off on.
It amazes and awes me to see the power in that – the energy of pure pleasure.
I am so curious about how enraptured we become in our fears of being consumed by pleasure – as if we will dive off of the heathen deep end and destroy ourselves.
And yet, I see a world full of humans who truly are destructive in complete ambivalence and yet they are not at all tapped into the true power of working with the alchemy of pleasure.
Perhaps rather than fear our deepest hunger, it’s time to actually work with it.
Perhaps it has a message to share – about healing, about creation, about a better world.
Perhaps taboo really is the path to a deeper conciousness in our evolution.
For now, I am deeply excited to be exploring a new chapter into my own taboos and existential kinks through cellular conciousness, and you can be assured – I will be telling you all about it.
With love,
Your kinky friend, Jenn