I used to hold such a deep resentment for being born into a female body.
A woman’s body.
And I still have so many reasons to be in resentment.
The patriarchy for one.
The degradation of the planet (the ultimate symbol of the female body).
The way we shame, consume, and exploit the feminine is ultimately disgusting and may eventually bring us to our own demise as a species.
This writing is not about that though.
It’s about the words “used to”, as in I used to hold such deep resentment for being born into a female form.
I no longer hold this deep resentment.
It came first through a willingness to see things differently.
A willingness to open myself – to a different paradigm, to sensation, to healing my own nervous system and relationship with the feminine.
This willingness spiralled into deep generational trauma healing, healing my relationship to my inner witch, whore, mother, child, zyote.
This willingness spiralled into reclaiming my pelvis, my jaw, my teeth, my whole neurobiology, my organs, my cervix, my womb.
This willingness healed 7 years of chronic pain, abusive relationships, and chronic fatigue.
From this willingness emerged spontaneous orgasm, healing sexual trauma, and transmuting over 25 years of intense menstrual pain into pleasure, alchemizing my patriarchal trauma along the way.
I’m not writing this out of theory.
I did not “manifest” my wellness through meditations or mindset.
I did not “fix” things through body hacks, nutrition, or herbs.
I lived every bit of this experience.
I lived every bit of this knowledge through my own flesh and blood – through my own cells.
Reprogramming cellular memory requires the cells, the blood, the bones, the tissues, and the organs.
It requires the body.
Today, I held myself through a deep embodiment session experience.
Dissolving and forever reshaping my relationship to the patriarchy and being a victim of it.
I found my power – literally felt it move through me as the Universe or God fucked it through me until not one but 2 deep cervical orgasms emerged from my body.
Life force – eros – lives in us and moved through us.
The question I realized is – are we willing to let it?
Are we willing to let all of ourselves?
Are we willing to let the taboo, the shame, the anger, the resentment, the rage move through us and fuck us into bliss?
I’m not talking about collapsing (often confused as surrender but they are not the same thing at all) into our helpless victim, but softening deeply into our animal fleshy power.
The wisdom held in the lioness as she rips apart the gazelle to feed her cubs.
Body alchemy is not the neat, tidy, and quit experience of mindfulness practices and meditation.
It’s sweaty, messy, bloody stuff.
It’s discovering our inner kinky pleasures.
It’s healing and integrating at it’s deepest level.
Positive thinking our way through is not the answer.
In fact, it’s absolute bullshit.
If we can’t ingest, digest, and assimilate our food (and our experiences), we move through this earth, malnourished, desperate, and dry.
Why?
When every day your body is inviting you back to its wet, juicy, fresh waters of its existence?
Why not reacquaint ourselves with our watery animal nature?
Let our inner tides flush out what needs clearing and refresh and nourish what needs feeding?
It’s all there.
Everything we’ve always wanted and needed.
You know they way.