Self Improvement.

Or is it?

 

There has been something really getting under my skin about the self improvement, teaching, and coaching industry for a long time – a really long time.

There is just something that just felt off – something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

Then last year, in early 2021, it became clear.

 

I saw the parallel to the Western Medical Model – or simply the “Western Model”.

Before I get really “into it”. I just wanted to clarify that I’m not talking about my opinion (or yours for that matter) on Western Medicine. To breakdown what I mean by “Western Model” is the basic belief of 1) find out what’s wrong 2) figure out how to fix it 3) repeat the process until perfect.

 

This is a general and very broad model that we apply to pretty much everything if you’ve grown up in a Western Model nation or zone of the globe or under its direct influence.

 

This model in itself is not a “problem”, however the real issue comes when we try to apply it to everything.

Models are not meant to work in every circumstance. They are merely a tool to help us see one perspective.

One kind of perspective.

 

I first bumped up against the limitations of the Western Model in my own journey in healing chronic pain and chronic fatigue. This led me to study Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy which is based on an entirely different model. I’ll call it the “Wholeness Model” for simplicity purposed.

 

Essentially, the “Wholeness Model” is based on the understanding that our bodies – and everything else that is nature – is inherently intelligent. It honours this intelligence by “listening” to the body as a whole, intelligent system, honouring all of the expressions as equally intelligent. This model doesn’t see pain for example as a “problem” that needs “fixing”. It sees pain as an intelligent expression and one of many intelligent expressions happing at once. The Wholeness Model asks us to notice the resourcefulness of the body as well as the places that might need additional support.

 

I have been practicing the Wholeness Model in my own body and life for over 12 years.

But until last year in early 2021, immersed in the online business and coaching space, I didn’t see the parallel to the Western Model until I decided to shut down shop for a serious remodel.

 

There is was, plain as day – and I was living in it and participating in it!

The coaching industry calls it “marketing to pain points” – I call it ensuring you have consistent business coming in forever and not in a good way.

 

The thing that Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy taught me was that if you focus on the pain – and fixing the pain – you are in for a vicious cycle of forever on the victim triangle. If you focus on the pain, it never moves – it can only be managed.

Simultaneously, if you could bring your awareness to wholeness, resources, start to unravel your obsession with your pain and slowly start to not be attached so much on what it means, things would move, the body would shift.

Sometimes even spontaneous “healing” of long term chronic issues or mysterious illness would unravel themselves in weeks, rather than lifetimes.

It’s not that the Biodynamic approach is better than – it’s just a different lens that allows us to work in a different paradigm.

One that for me, is much closer to nature – that which we are.

 

So here I was, participating in this whole Western Model approach to my business and my own coaching I was signing up for and at the same time marketing the Wholeness Model – believe me, the irony is not lost on me!

 

That is why full stop I stopped what I was doing – including the “surrender” based coaching program I had enrolled in, and my whole business – and took some time to pause.

 

Although I have over 12 years of Wholeness Model in my body and system, I was puzzled.

I had so many questions.

How do you build a business around that?

How do I market?

How do I communicate the Wholeness Model in a world that is built around the Western Model?

 

If you read yesterday’s post, you’ll know that there was and is a lot of unravelling and unlearning that’s happening.

 

But today, I wanted to highlight this underlying model that is so ubiquitous we don’t even realize it’s application onto everything we do, touch, learn, integrate, and embody.

Even in “feminine lead” teaching, business models, teaching – it is woven into almost everything.

 

I feel it and I see it in the journaling prompts, self reflective questions, and self inquiry.

I feel it in the poking and prodding at the core of the wound, asking us “does it hurt?” “how much?”.

 

We are led to believe that this stark self inquiry will produce healing, expansion, and more of what we don’t yet have.

Except wait a minute.

Can you see it there?

 

More of what we don’t yet have.

We are asked to focus on this spot – over and over again.

I’m not sure if it’s helpful for healing, but it is certainly helpful for business.

 

We are being led through our lack, our pain, and our perpetual “not good enough” in order to feel freedom from lack, pain, and not feeling good enough.

It is so fucking ironic.

 

A lot of us have deeply ingrained bypass that leads us to believe that we need pain for motivation. That without leading from suffering, we would have no reason to keep moving forward.

While this might be true for some – those who are addicted to the pain cycle (spoiler alert, I was once one of these people) – it doesn’t actually break the pain cycle. It just gives us something to do so we feel like we are being productive about it.

We get a very temporary relief.

And then we have to go back for more.

Again, great for business.

 

I want to propose a different place we can chose to be led by.

One that, in my own experience, is a much more efficient use of our energy and efforts.

 

S A T I S F A C T I O N.

 

Really?

Yes!

 

When was the last time you felt really satisfied about something?

What did it feel like in your body?

When is the last time you payed attention to satisfaction?

 

For me, satisfaction is a practice – and it’s a rather disciplined one because my whole life I’ve been trained to skip over it’s yumminess and focus on the places I’m not yet satisfied.

But here’s the irony.

We get more of what we focus on.

We feel more of what we focus on.

 

If we’re constantly focused on a loop of “improving” what needs “fixing”, all we see is what we are lacking – what we are still “working on”.

If we focus on the places where we know and hold satisfaction, we hold space for more satisfaction.

Yes it really is that fucking simple.

Not easy.

Simple.

 

Take for example food.

I have a habit of eating really fast.

I also love love love food.

For me this is a perfect place to practice satisfaction.

I can slow down and really enjoy my food – I can practice slowing down and really enjoying the sense of satisfaction in all of the flavours, textures, and yumminess.

It’s such a simple practice, but this practice was the core of helping me unwind chronic fatigue 7 years ago.

Focusing on yumminess, slowing down to it, letting more of it in.

So so simple.

Challenging as fuck, I will not lie.

But pretty immediate results!

 

Satisfaction led to living a block from the beach, surfing several times a week.

Satisfaction led to releasing chronic pain patterns in my body.

 

Now, I begin the journey to letting satisfaction again lead me to rebuild my business, start teaching online again, and moving me from the inside out.

I’m looking forward to the adventure.