Safety matters.
A sense of Home matters.
Today I let my cat outside for the first time.
Some context.
It’s been less than one month since we’ve left our home in Mexico and landed in rural Canada.
26 days to be exact.
If you know anything about cats, you know they are very connected to their physical space and home. It can take them weeks or months to adapt to a new home or environment – a lot of which is of course dependant on multiple factors including their personality, how well you prepare, etc.
My cat is an outdoor cat at heart. Not only does she have high energy, but like her mama, she loves to be outside.
For her 5 years earth-side, she has been able to explore the outside, hunt, and be the tiny wild beast that she innately is.
Of course coming to rural Canada, there are other dangers – things she’s not encountered and lots of predators that would love to snack on a cute and scrumptious wild beastie that is a cat.
Naturally I’ve been hesitant.
Worried.
Weighing the pros and cons.
In my heart, I know how happy she would be, exploring the patio, the garden, the pine tree jungle out back.
The smells, the hidy-holes.
In my mind and logic and experience, I also know of the annoyances – and dangers – that come with letting her be an outdoor cat here. The coyotes, the big scary dogs, and the constant crying and scratching at the door, being at the beck and call of an incessant and highly stubborn creature with a very vocal and opinionated personality.
If you’ve ever trained a cat to do anything, you know that it is very different than training a dog. They are in no way orientated to please you. This actually makes them respect them more.
They are some of the most self possessed creatures that we co-exist with.
When we interact with a creature who inherently knows who they are, we have to co-create. We must understand and respect their very nature and instincts. Failure to do so will result in suffering every time.
I can’t help but notice the parallels with human beings.
While our nature and biology is different, our sense of contentment, happiness, and inner peace is rooted in our capacity to respect and work with – rather than against – our integral nature.
In the end I decide that letting Pele (my cat) go outside is for her greater good. Here I must hold both my logic and rightful concern for her safety, and her spirit and essence.
Is this not what we want for those who we love?
Esther Perel talks about the importance of holding both safety and curiosity as essential for happiness and satisfaction in our relationships and life. We need both risk (freedom) and safety (security).
It’s not “feel the fear and do it anyway”.
It’s actually be connected to both fear and a sense of where to safely land.
Now that Pele has established that this is her home and safe place and she has had plenty of time to really and truly land … this is when the restlessness begins.
She starts with jumping at the window screens over the last week and a half – not to try escape, but there is an irresistible curiosity of the beyond that urges her to engage with it.
Then one day, my mom and I leave the front door open a wee bit and we’re chatting on the porch. Pele hears us and slowly, tentatively ventures outside, pulled by her curiosity and the sound of our voices.
So today, as I sipped my morning coffee on the porch, the thought entered my mind – Pele would love it out here; today’s the day.
The words felt like a familiar guidance if my intuition.
Just to be sure, as any witchy cat mama would do, I pulled out the tarot.
Hope, joy, discovery, curiosity.
These messages from my guides were beyond answering my question about whether or not I should let Pele outside, but deeper layers and parallels.
So I opened the door a crack – just enough for a wee kitty to squeeze through.
And she did.
And what happened next is the most beautiful and simple example and lesson for us all.
Navigating big scary new things requires a safe place to explore from.
And it’s gradual.
Our capacity to explore is directly related to our innate sense of safety.
I watched as Pele tentatively stepped outside – slowly.
She would explore one new area, then return back to the front door, smelling the entrance, the door, as if to make sure her safe place was in fact still there.
It was.
So she explored some more.
Each time, returning periodically to the front door.
The safe place was essential to giving her the confidence to let her curiosity guide her.
Instincts fully intact and alert in case of danger.
She titrates between a sense of safety and home, her instinctual curiosity.
She holds the thrill and excitement of newness, her awareness of dangers, and her relaxation into old and new found safe places.
She is both open and alert.
Vigilant and relaxed.
If you are wondering what a healthy nervous system looks and feels like, look no further than Pele.
As human beings, we are also animal.
But we tend to be overthinking animals that have disembodied our head from our bodies, our hearts from our logic, when we need to hold all of it.
Our heart is not foolish and our logic is not overbearing.
When we are integrated and embodied, we can lean into both safety and curiosity.
We can ride the liminal space between comfort and innovation.
This dear ones, is how we navigate change.
I do not believe in “feeling your fear and doing it anyway”.
This is both foolhardy and completely violates the inherent wisdom of our intuition and nervous system.
If it goes well, we might get a temporary rush – adrenaline fueled, but in the end depleting instead of regenerative, eventually leading us to burnout in the long run.
If it goes badly, we are left with a broken relationship with ourselves, a degraded sense of self-trust, and a sense of resentment towards our intuition.
Like in the case with Pele, our sense of safety and home isn’t a given.
It’s cultivated.
Pele didn’t just wake up here in her new house one day and feel safe – oh hell no!
Setting up the right environment was a huge – and continues to be a huge – factor in Pele’s being the contented cat she is.
How do we cultivate home for ourselves?
There are some key factors that cross all animal beings – including humans.
- Understanding & working with our innate biology rather than trying to manipulate or “hack” it
- Respecting where we are & working from there
- Cultivating compassionate non-judgement & curiosity for ourselves
When we ask ourselves about our needs from this place, keeping an open, curious, and non-judgemental mind, the answers often tumble easily before us.
We start small, slowly cultivating our trust in ourselves.
We practice, learning to speak and listen to our intuition and true intuitive guidance.
We get grounded in our bodies, respecting the wisdom of our animal being.
The deeper and deeper we embody our own animal wisdom, cultivate our own self-possessedness, our capacity and range for how we interact with the external world – the world of danger and of excitement and opportunity – grows.
It’s all relative.
Like the roots of a tree – the more embodied and rooted in our animal being we become, the more strong, flexible, and fluid we become, swaying our resilient branches in the wind.
A contented Pele, chilling in safety and peace of her new home.