My ancestors were wanderers.

Not at first, but after seeking political, religious, and cultural asylum in Canada in the early 1900’s, they moved from one settlement to another, transversing the country and eventually settling in BC, Canada.

Then was the part where they burned all of their shit to the ground.

Over and over again.

 

You see, they were pacifists, and purists in a sense – all “possessions and wanting bring you away from the God within” kind of shit.

And they were serious.

They put their money where their mouth is and burned it all to the ground – literally – while protesting naked (they burned their clothes too naturally).

It was why they became wanders actually.

They’d never meant to wander, it was just that burning all of their stuff in protest all the time was seen highly unfavourable in Russia as it was in Canada – among other things.

 

Although you would never hear my family admit it, Russians are an auspicious bunch.

Witchcraft, storytelling, and folk traditions.

As I started reading more and more about old Russian folk traditions, it became more and more clear.

 

And it started to make more and more sense to me.

 

I am a very witchy person by nature.

As a child, I proclaimed that I could talk to animals (I could), would spend hours sitting in nature by myself (even as a very small child!), and talked with spirits.

To my hyper-Christian mother and cult-like Christian devote family, this was not ok.

So I hid this part of myself.

 

Although I was always drawn and fascinated by all the things.

Astrology (got my first We’Moon calendar at 14).

The occult (thank goodness for libraries and really good witchy book stores in the nearby little hippy town and their books on paganism).

Oh and who can forget the classic – the ouija board.

 

Fast forward to now – I give intuitive consultations and read tarot for a living.

I’ve come a long way.

 

I also consider myself a life long student of astrology.

I’m no expert – don’t get me wrong – but astrology has fascinated me since I was 14 and found about the We’Moon calendar from my best friends hippy mom and I never looked back.

 

Recently, I’ve been curious about the lunar nodes – recently because the current lunar node placements are my natal node placements.

In plain terms, the nodes are kicking my ass right now.

 

The nodes – North and South – are points of reference that point to our karma in a sense, or fate. They illuminate the themes that we are moving towards in life (a lifelong learning) and the stuff we already know (the been there done that but I’m really really good at it vibe).

 

The reason I mentioned my ancestors burning it all down to the ground and constantly rebuilding is because this resonates with me not just on a story level – but a deep ancestral anchorage in my own astrology.

 

My south node (the been there, know that really well) is in Scorpio (the burn it all down to the ground death-rebirth vibe).

My north node (the “this is what I’m supposed to figure out how to do in this lifetime” vibe) is in Taurus (the “let’s build this foundation good and STRONG so it has staying power sign).

 

The nodes are often at opposites, and these nodes for me – well the Universe has a very fucking good sense of irony.

 

So my whole life, I’ve been really good at burning it all to the ground and starting again (south node in Scorpio – I know this).

It’s my jam. I’m really really good at it.

But 3 years ago, I decided (tentatively and with great fear and a huge leap of faith) to commit to renting a proper house and laying the foundation of building my craniosacral practice (north node in Taurus – the Great Unknown).

 

Then a pandemic hit and I wasn’t sure how would pay my rent, let alone furnish the place.

Somehow, miracle by miracle, little by little it came together – renting out my spare room on Airbnb, taking on a few clients online for my healing and consulting practice.

This was IT, I thought!

This was my finally leaving the burn it and run Scorpio energy and moving into my lay roots and grow Taurus energy.

 

You see, as a lot of people found the thought of moving to a foreign country brave and bold, my south node in Scorpio was like

“We know this, we got this! NO problem!”

 

However when I’ve never been more terrified of the permanence and commitment that comes with purchasing a refrigerator (large, unmovable with a car furniture) in my life. My north node in Taurus was like

“This shit is crazy! We are actually committing to living here for a while!”

 

Over the next 3 years, budget landscaping, garden, palm trees, house plants, and more furniture.

I even fantasized about the prospect of actually buying the house through payments directly with the landlords.

When I landed an administrative job at a local real estate agency, I thought it was sign – clearly I was meant to buy the house and how it would all unfold, I was eager to find out.

 

I started writing this post about my nomadic ancestors who were experts at burning shit to the ground.

And so here I am, 3 years later after buying that fridge, and looking to move out in 2 weeks.

 

I could feel it almost a year ago, but I didn’t want to admit it.

Several months ago on a trip to Baja – my first vacation away from my house since I moved in – it came through as clear as still water.

 

It was time to say goodbye to the house.

This is the first time I really grieved this realization.

I realized how much I deeply desired the thing.

And at the same time how deeply relieved I felt when I landed on the truth.

 

There is a sort of freedom in being able to burn it all down and start anew, but there is also a kind of beauty in knowing how to stay.

It was clear.

If it was going to happen, this wasn’t it.

 

And so I grieved and revelled in my realization as I let it sink into my bones.

 

So here it is.

The thing I know how to do and yet the yearning to do something different.

Sitting with both and.

 

In 2 weeks from now, my home life will have completely flipped upside down, and yet, I will have gained many freedoms.

I try as best I can to stay awake during it all – being with everything from excitement, to anxiety, to loss, to joy, to a sense of failure and accomplishment all together.

 

I will of course keep you posted.

 

The lunar nodes shift out of my natal signs in May of 2023 (when I originally was planning to move before the Universe had other plans and intervened). I am both grateful for what I’ve learned over the last year (and the next half a year to come) and will be relieved in the spring when other parts of my life will enjoy illumination, and I will get some relief – for a few years – from the polarity of the nodal lessons.

 

With love,

Jenn