Opening to unseen possibilities.
Healing in unexpected ways.
I’ve been deep in the cauldron these past few days.
Sitting in the wisdom of the New Moon in Cancer, the flesh and blood of my anger and grief shedding from my womb, I’m deep in the crucible.
A few days prior to the beginning of the shedding, new moon energy building, I decided to start the sacred process of shedding things in my home that represented anything other than my present embodiment.
I’ve KonMaried my home and possessions twice before – each time a part of a greater process of whole life cauldron.
It’s the physical symbol for the process that I feel touching every part of my life.
This third crucible marks an unfolding, and an illumination – a reality check so to speak – on some of my deepest yearnings and how I had in a way tried to buy my way, force my way, heal my way into a future self version that I’m not sure was ever me to begin with.
I have a couple of posts coming soon going deeper into what that means.
For now I will just say that I’ve come through to some rather huge self Truths and acknowledgements – deep acceptance – of my shadowed desires and the ways I had so deeply wanted something that I’m not sure was ever for me anyway.
With huge self Truth and acknowledgement often comes anger, deep grief, and a kind of death process to our illusions.
I find the “Spark Joy” method is the perfect physical actualization – the cherry on top – to fully help integrate all that has come through the crucible, and to mark and grief all that was lost in the fire.
Naturally, in the process of fully burning all that was my own illusions, grasping, and desperation, I landed on some things I had worked on back when I was in the midst of building my business in a way in which I’ve now totally dissolved.
Also, naturally thinking to myself that it’s a new moon, and I’m shedding, and why not burn these items as a symbolic cleansing so to speak to fully release my old business model and make space for all of the fertile energies that have been bubbling to the surface through me.
Naturally.
Except something didn’t quite feel right.
Now you know if you’ve read Mari Kondo’s book “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” that the entire process of deciding what to keep or discard is about whether or not the item sparks joy.
The items in question were 3 large poster-boards on which I had mapped out 3 healing programs I was planning on teaching.
They were fully realized, fully whole, and fully incredible healing programs and I knew in my heart that they would never be delivered into the world in the way I had intended.
It was time to let go, and start fresh.
But then something caught my eye.
As I opened the folded poster-boards, I noticed that I had written on post it notes things that my past clients had said about their experience working with me. I had stuck these post it notes onto each “program”, as a kind of energetic map.
What struck me was their words reflecting back to me.
The resonance of their truth.
This is not old energy that needs to be cleared.
This is remembering why I chose to embody this work – why I chose to resonate the frequency of beingness that I am and what I bring to the world.
Those little post it notes, reminded me of the power of this work – my work and maybe your work too.
Opening to unseen possibilities
Healing in unexpected ways
I trust myself more
I do what feels valid for me
I can speak my truth, even around my family
I understand what my body is telling me
I resolved stuff I didn’t even realize I had
As I read through the words of these wise and incredible women, I’m reminded that this is the bones of my work.
My work is beingness.
It is stillness.
It is the embodiment of my animal being.
It is full acceptance of my own Wilderness.
It is pleasure.
It is speaking the truth.
My wholeness, my beingness is enough.
It is the offering.
My dedication to myself allows.
It leaves space and possibility for others.
I am the portal.
You are the portal.
My own truth in knowing this is enough.
It is enough.
I am enough.
