We are under the illusion that we live in an equal society.

This is a gross understatement and rather dangerous illusion.

By “we” I mean the educated Western world.

We believe that in this post-feminist era, here in the year 2022, we are somehow above our biology, our neurology, our history.

We are not.

In order to understand the illusion we currently live under, we must first understand where we came from.

Biologically, women and men are adversaries.
We are not naturally partners – this is a relatively new concept, a radically new concept actually.

We are also under the illusion that our biological nature via our “intellect” and “education” has somehow caught up and informed our evolutionary biology otherwise.

I can assure you, it has not.

The underlying root of this is the underlying root of most of our lessons of understanding who we are and why we are here – what it means to be human and our coming to terms with prefrontal cortex development and our animal nature.

To put it simply, we are disconnected from our biology because we believe that somehow we are “better” than it.

Lies.

Living in the small community steeped in Macho Culture – basically living in the 1950’s – has given me some pretty unique insights to this, starting with my own illusionary beliefs.

I was told that as a girl, I was special.
I could do anything that boys could do.

Except I was also taught to close my legs.
I was taught that what lies between them was between them was dangerous to both me and the world around me.

Here’s a little secret we don’t like to admit: misogyny is perpetuated by our mothers.
It’s handed down to us by our aunties, and by our grandmothers.
They do it out of instinct, out of protection.

Remember?
Women and men are biologically adversaries.

If you want to dive real deep into this, I highly suggest reading Alison Armstrong’s work in understanding women and understanding men – particularly in relationship to our evolutionary biology and relationship.

Here, however, I’m going to just outline a very brief Coles notes version for context.
The gist being, men need women because of how they connect to life force energy itself and women need men because of their nature to provide and protect. In a nutshell, our needing one another on a biological level sets us up for a kind of dependency – one that sets us up for resentment and adversary.

These themes run deep – I’m talking biology deep.

We cannot change our biology, but as prefrontal cortex, heady humans, we relate to our animal nature as “inconvenient” at best.

I’m reading a novel about Africa. The author is talking about the ways in which we are tortured and broken down in warfare.
We are tribal by nature – whether we like to admit to it or not – and I can’t help but contemplating this particular passage in describing violence towards other tribes and its relationship to these deep underlying biological currents we like to dismiss as simply violence against women.
It is not that simple.

The passage:
“Not only are the wars between us not erased, they are exaggerated, because here, people are allowed to speak. They can express their hatred of the Dergue without fear they will be wrenched from their beds at gunpoint in the middle of the night, forced to watch their wives being gang-raped, shot in the stomach and left to die in the street.”
~ Sweetness in the Belly, Camilia Gibb

Our Western prefrontal cortex is angry and upset. It does not understand why one would torture, gang rape women before killing them in front of their husbands and families.

When I read this passage, my woman’s biology felt something very different.

It’s not about the killing and destroying of these women. It’s actually the men they are after.
In the cultural context of our tribal human culture, women are a powerful symbol of a man’s status. They are not individual people, they are an extension of their husbands. They are a marker for where he sits in the collective, his marker of his tribal role.
Raping her is a means of emasculating him. It’s tribal warfare. To be clear, it has nothing to do with gender.
War is about control.
Power over.
Domination.
Survival.

It’s about winning.
To assure a successful war, you must wipe out and enslave the enemy. You must destroy the men through castration – not physical, psychological, as it is far far worse.
Women are simply a tool to get the job done effectively – completely.

It is the darkness of humanity that each one of us carries inside of us.

However it is only part of our whole.

But to evolve, we must acknowledge its ugly truth.
We must not buy into the lies that we are fed that misogyny, patriarchy, and violence are something that we have “gotten over”. Our intellect may lead us to believe otherwise, but do not be fooled.

We can only integrate our darkness if we can see it clearly – on both the individual and collective levels.

I also want to be crystal clear here that I am in no way pointing the finger at anyone.
This is not about who is to blame.

Yes, I know, it’s so tempting to lay blame. But this traps us in yet another illusion – the illusion of being a victim.
It keeps us on the perpetual hamster wheel of victimhood.

I am also not in any way saying that there isn’t responsibility to be claimed – because there is.

The fact is that if we want to live in a world where we have truly evolved from Macho culture, we must fully accept our responsibility and participation in it.

We must fully accept the ways in which we weaponize our sex as women, and objectification as men. We must fully accept our biology and the gifts it carries.

We cannot overrule our biology, but in understanding it, and integrating it, we begin to see the place of our freewill and choice. This choice point is a powerful place where each one of us takes back our power, our agency, and begins to share our gifts with the world.

Our biology may create a stage for an adverse relationship, but our prefrontal cortex of awareness can help us work with this powerful gift, rather than against it or worse, in complete denial of its potency.

The truth is this: we live in a patriarchal, macho culture. It’s no one’s “fault”.
And it hurts everyone.
And, most importantly, we have a choice.

The very first step is our own personal responsibility.