home

What is HOME? I’ve been contemplating this for I feel like my whole life. The answer changes in a way, but there is always something that never ever does.   Recognition. Felt sense. There is a knowing in my bones and simply knows home.   As babies, our nervous systems learn what “home” is through our…

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letters to mom

Dear mom,   I’ve found myself thinking about you a lot these days.   Perhaps it’s the not fully understanding. You see, I miss the essence of mother. I find myself trying to reconstruct, reroot, start from scratch essentially, rebuilding these bones of existence that is mother.   I miss having a sense of security…

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triggers

Let’s suppose for a moment, that you, like me are working on some kind of self-actualization.   Call it whatever you want. Even simply “being a better person”, or “being the best version of yourself you can be”.   A lot of us are striving for this for some reason or another. Just consider the…

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Shitty Day Revelation

Today was a shitty day.   No nothing bad happened. The world in general was kind to me.   However in this morning’s journaling I came to a rather stark and honest realization about the current state of my health.   I’m ok. This is not to insight panic.   But also, there is something….

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The Red Dakini

I feel like I am starting to gather at the point where I am no longer tracking my actions, my activities, my daily bread tethered to the nervous systems of other people and situations. I am beginning – the first tender threads taking root – to be lead by this thing called Desire. I am…

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I love the time and in between

I love the time and in between The calm inside me In the space where I can breathe I believe there is a distance I have wandered To touch upon the years of Reaching out and reaching in Holding out, holding in I believe This is heaven to no one else but me And I’ll…

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Safety Security Home

I don’t think I’ve ever really talked about this publicly but in early 2020 I decided to disengage from almost all contact with my mom.   At present, July 13th 2022, I realize it’s been exactly 2 years since the last time we exchanged emails privately and since Christmas of 2019 since the last time…

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Starvation vs. Nourishment

I’m going to say something rather obvious and that’s If you starve yourself, you are going to lose weight. If you starve yourself, you will definitely lose weight. If you choose starvation over nourishment, you will inevitably change the shape of your body. But let’s be very clear. You will not love yourself more. You…

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