letters to mom

Dear mom,   I’ve found myself thinking about you a lot these days.   Perhaps it’s the not fully understanding. You see, I miss the essence of mother. I find myself trying to reconstruct, reroot, start from scratch essentially, rebuilding these bones of existence that is mother.   I miss having a sense of security…

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Shitty Day Revelation

Today was a shitty day.   No nothing bad happened. The world in general was kind to me.   However in this morning’s journaling I came to a rather stark and honest realization about the current state of my health.   I’m ok. This is not to insight panic.   But also, there is something….

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The Red Dakini

I feel like I am starting to gather at the point where I am no longer tracking my actions, my activities, my daily bread tethered to the nervous systems of other people and situations. I am beginning – the first tender threads taking root – to be lead by this thing called Desire. I am…

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I love the time and in between

I love the time and in between The calm inside me In the space where I can breathe I believe there is a distance I have wandered To touch upon the years of Reaching out and reaching in Holding out, holding in I believe This is heaven to no one else but me And I’ll…

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What About My Inner Teenager?

We often talk about doing Inner Child work. In the land of self discovery and integration there is reconnecting to the Inner Child as a place of healing trauma, integrating difficult experiences, and reclaiming creativity. Yes to all of that.   But what about our Inner Teenager? I don’t really hear this part of ourselves…

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The Money Experiment Step 1

The beginnings of this experiment start pretty much where many money mindset books and courses start.   It started for me by writing out some of my adaptive money habits and beliefs but with a twist. You see, many exercises ask you to journal all of your “negative money beliefs” through visualizations or mediations or…

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Starvation vs. Nourishment

I’m going to say something rather obvious and that’s If you starve yourself, you are going to lose weight. If you starve yourself, you will definitely lose weight. If you choose starvation over nourishment, you will inevitably change the shape of your body. But let’s be very clear. You will not love yourself more. You…

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Remembering the Bones of My Work

Opening to unseen possibilities. Healing in unexpected ways.   I’ve been deep in the cauldron these past few days. Sitting in the wisdom of the New Moon in Cancer, the flesh and blood of my anger and grief shedding from my womb, I’m deep in the crucible.   A few days prior to the beginning…

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Flesh and Blood

My womb is shedding. I am writing this under a New Moon in Cancer, June 28th (well now, technically June 29th), 2022. Yesterday I experienced wildly painful period cramps, nausea, the works. I put my hands on my body and I asked it “How do you want to be held right now?” Laying face down,…

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